Don’t worry Man Utd fans, Vinicius Jnr is definitely on his way…

‘Vinicius Junior seems unhappy at Real Madrid’ so we imagine he will leap at the chance to join Manchester United if he watched them lose at Everton.

United are ‘monitoring’ one of the biggest superstars in world football, apparently.

Mediawatch is well aware that it is shouting at the clouds, p***ing in the wind and any other weather-related metaphors available, but this kind of content from the Mirror really is pathetic:

Man Utd fans all say the same thing after 10-man Everton win at Old Trafford

Do they? Or have you typed ‘Man Utd embarrassing’ into the X search bar and copied and pasted what you found?

We could do the same with ‘Man Utd ridiculous’, ‘Man Utd circus’ or even ‘Man Utd xylophone’ (okay, that’s rather less productive) and claim that ‘Man Utd fans all say the same thing’ too. But we don’t. Because it’s an absolutely ludicrous way to create ‘news’.

‘Manchester United fans have all made the same complaint after their 1-0 loss to Everton at Old Trafford,’ apparently. Sorry but have they f***. And not just because there are about 427 different things to complain about after that sh*t-show .

The alternative to ‘all saying the same thing’ for Manchester United fans is to dream of who could come in and make all their Red dreams come true. So we turn to the Manchester Evening New s ‘Man United transfer news LIVE’ blog.

And of course the point of the Manchester Evening New s ‘Man United transfer news LIVE’ blog is to make fans believe enough to click. This is especially true after a pretty horrendous defeat to 10-man Everton.

Man United transfer news LIVE – Vinicius Jr bombshell, Scott McTominay return, Joao Gomes move

And there we have it: ‘Vinicius Jr bombshell’. And there would be no greater ‘bombshell’ than Vinicius Jr, who has started 10 La Liga games and three Champions League matches for Real Madrid this season – and is a starting forward for actual Brazil – joining the 10th best side in the Premier League who did not even qualify for the Conference League.

That would truly be a ‘bombshell’. In fact, it would be utterly ludicrous.

‘Vinicius Junior seems unhappy at Real Madrid ,’ says the blog. But do you know where he would be even less happy? Manchester United . He would be absolutely sodding miserable there.

‘According to The Athletic, Vinicius Junior has informed Real Madrid officials he does not want to renew his contract at the Santiago Bernabeu given his strained relationship with Xabi Alonso,’ we are told.

And do you know what The Athletic do not say? That Vinicius Jnr even wants to leave Real Madrid , never mind leave for the Manchester United Banter Circus.

And the MEN are not the only ones to give this ludicrous idea far more air than it deserves.

Even the BBC have lazily leant into the narrative: ‘Gossip: Man Utd monitor unhappy Vinicius Jr.’

And who has claimed that Manchester United are ‘monitoring’ one of the most famous footballers in the world, a concept that in itself is pretty ridiculous?

Well, the BBC link to the Mirror and this story: ‘Premier League giants on red alert as Vinicius Jr opens door to shock transfer.’

But even the shameless Mirror do not claim that United are ‘monitoring’ the Real Madrid superstar; they just credit United with a ‘historical interest’.

That feels like rather a large leap forward to ‘Gossip: Man Utd monitor unhappy Vinicius Jr’ from a broadcaster that really should know better.

‘Man Utd can send three stars to Bournemouth in sensational Antoine Semenyo swap deal’ – Express , November 18.

‘Man Utd can send three players to Wolves in blockbuster Joao Gomes swap deal’ – Express , November 25.

Can’t wait to find out who Man Utd can send to Real Madrid in astonishing Vinicius Jnr swap deal. Do they need an ‘ambling’ left-back?

Mediawatch asked on Monday whether an ‘Arne Slot sack decision’ carried more weight than an ‘Arne Slot verdict’.

Well on Tuesday we have the answer thanks to the Mirror :

Arne Slot Liverpool future latest, sack decision verdict and Jurgen Klopp return reality

If in doubt, throw them all in. All the way in.

ARSENAL have been backed to win the Champions League ahead of their Premier League rivals by a supercomputer. The boffin machine, powered by brainiacs at Opta, reckons Mikel Arteta’s side have the best chance of clinching glory in Europe this season.